Catch Up Time!

Life has been very busy, so I regret that I haven’t been able to keep this as up to date as I have been. BUT I have some awesome things to go over today. Let’s begin with my December 1^st goal of losing 10 pounds. No matter what happened I was going to celebrate because I have made some difficult changes and achieved fantastic results in a short amount of time. That didn’t stop me from being nervous to step on the scale though. I didn’t actually weigh myself until December 2^nd; I much prefer to be off work on my weigh in days.  My boys and I got up, I got them ready for their day and sent them off on the bus before going back inside to see how I had done. My heart was pounding as I watched the numbers flashing to settle on my weight and I nearly screamed when they stopped. I had lost another 2.2 pounds! That made it a total of 10.4 pounds down! That meant another goal under my belt and a serious boost in my self esteem.

So I am down to having 19.8 pounds to go to meet my goal by February 8^th. I really want to push through the next two months to meet my final goal. Being at my goal weight is more than changing that number on the scale. With each improvement I make, from the food I am choosing to put in my body, to the proper portions I have moved to, and finally to how I feel when I look in the mirror, I am feeling better and better. I don’t want to stop that feeling. I want to hit every goal I have set out to meet and feel great each and every day. I want to brush the hurt and mental scars off my shoulders that have been placed there by damaging people saying things they never knew would stick with me this long and never think about those comments again.  I always knew that this would be an incredible journey, that it would be hard but worth it, but I never truly realized the things it would bring forward in my mind and the hurdles I would be able to overcome.

Today when I got dressed I put on a shirt I haven’t worn in a very long time. When I looked in the mirror I felt a major boost in my self confidence. I looked incredible; the only thing that made my shirt stick out was my belt. Now that was a good feeling, to see myself in something that I haven’t been able to wear in years because of how I felt in it and absolutely love the way it looked had me holding my head a little higher.

I want to put together a plan for the coming weeks to boost my activity level so that I can kick my goal achievement into high gear! I feel like I am in the home stretch of this race and just before I sprint to the end I have to make it up one last hill.

I know this entry is a bit shorter than all of the ones before it, but I have to work early in the morning and still want to put together all of my foods so I know I am all set for the day. I am going to make more big changes this month and feel even better before the New Year hits. Finally a New Year when my resolution will be less about losing weight and more about maintaining a healthy lifestyle and ensuring every aspect of my life is in order. 

A Revelation

I have talked before about how much the things people say affect us, but I guess I didn’t realize just how much it changes the way we physically see ourselves. I thought that the affect I was talking about was just how I felt uncomfortable in well fitting clothes, or how I didn’t like to look in the mirror or step on the scale because I didn’t feel beautiful. I found out over the last few days that it is so much more than that.

This weekend I had someone, who has always been a big part of my life, stay with me. They have been influential in everything I have done in my life and they have said things to me that no person should ever hear. They have been supportive and cruel all in the same embrace. I know that this person is the core reason why it took me so long to start loving myself for who I really am. When they were here I wore loose fitting clothes and was always pulling the fabric away from my stomach. When I got dressed in the morning and looked at myself, standing there in a tank top and jeans, I saw everything I always hated about my body. I saw my stomach pushing over the top of my jeans, I saw how big my arms had become, I saw how round my cheeks are now and I felt uncomfortable in my own skin again. I haven’t felt that way since, almost the beginning of this journey and I hated it. I quickly did my hair and pulled on my boyfriend’s hoodie so I could hide my body once again and obtain some semblance of comfort.

Dealing with all of my insecurities all over again made me realize that as great as I have been feeling, as much as I have started to love what I see in the mirror, the pain, frustration, hurt, and anger are so very close to the surface. It was something that pushed me to really focus on ensuring I didn’t fall off track. I wanted to make sure that even though I was having trouble feeling as good as I have been, I didn’t let this experience stop me from reaching for the goals I have been setting for myself.

It’s crazy how the presence of one person can change what I see in the mirror so much. This morning when I got dressed and stood in front of the mirror, in a tank top and jeans, I loved everything about the beautiful woman looking back at me. I didn’t see those imperfections I saw the morning before, I didn’t feel uncomfortable in my own skin, and I felt my motivation coming back and driving me forward once more. I am not going to let anything stop me from being a healthier, happier, and more active person.

I don’t know why people feel that it is okay to bring those they love down. It frustrates me. It also frustrates me that they will never truly understand how much damage they have done to those they have torn down. We all need to start choosing our words more carefully and find ways to build our loved ones up, cheer them on, and always be an ear to listen to how they are feeling.

Well time is winding down on the deadline for my next goal. There are three days left for me to lose the final pounds to hit my, ten pounds down, goal. This first ten pounds is a huge deal to me. It’s an amazing accomplishment and I am so excited to hit that goal. Though something to keep in mind is that when I step on the scale on that last day, it’s ok if I didn’t lose the whole ten pounds. I have done something that is challenging, amazing, and has already changed my life for the better. Do I want to have met my goal on the deadline I originally set? Of course, but nothing will change the fact that I have made some amazing change in just a short period of time. So the countdown is on and all that’s left to see is what I decide to celebrate come that final day. 

Week Two Down!

Wow! I can’t believe week two is now complete. This has been one heck of a ride so far! There have been successes, celebrations, falters, and frustrations and I am still going strong with a ton of motivation! I haven’t been working out as much over the past week. Life has been getting in my way, a lot. In the light of struggling to maintain the high activity in my day, I have been focusing on making sure I am watching what I am eating and making healthier choices and eating fewer cookies.

One of the things I have noticed is that I struggle a lot on my days off to drink enough water. When I start my day with a workout, this isn’t as difficult as I drink nearly 24oz just while I workout, however for some of the days in this past week when I wasn’t able to get my workout in there I struggle to drink that much throughout the entire day. For me, I find that my water intake is something that makes or breaks my success. If I’m not drinking enough water, I tend to want to snack more. In addition I don’t workout as hard when I finally do get to it because I don’t feel 100% up to it. After noticing this over the course of the last week it is something that I am definitely going to put a bigger focus on.

I was so hesitant to step on the scale this morning, knowing that I hadn’t worked out as much as I wanted to throughout the week made me nervous. Now even if that number on the scale didn’t lower, or it went up, I was still determined to be proud of the changes I had stuck to when it came to my eating. There were a few times over the course of this past week that all I wanted to do was sit down and eat three chocolate bars or an entire pie, depending on what I had available to me at the time, but I didn’t. I stayed on track and made sure that anything I ate was tracked on my app. So I was surprised when I stepped on the scale this morning and realized that I have met my first goal! I was so excited when I saw that, I squealed and my children came running to see what was going on. I am now only 2.6 pounds away from my next goal, which is to lose a total of 10 pounds before December 1^st. I have eight days to do this and I am determined to make it! Another goal I am going to have for week three is to workout a minimum of six days. After not being as consistent with it this week I want to make sure I get that part of my journey back on track.

I haven’t done my workout yet this morning, but afterwards I plan on cooking up some meals in advance for this week and putting together my breakfast, lunch and snacks for tomorrow. I am finding that getting everything together the day before when I go to work is helping me to stick to my plan.

With each day that I can stay on track I feel my momentum growing. Every day when I complete my log I feel good, knowing that I am changing my life one day at a time is an incredible feeling. Hearing how my journey and my words are inspiring others is also something amazing. I love talking about this journey with my friends and family and watching their faces light up and the fire that builds inside of them as well. Having more people around me stepping up to change their lives as well, to make healthier choices and push themselves to be more active each and every day is something that is inspiring me. Having an effect on those around me with the choices that I am making for myself and my family drives my motivation to its maximum. I am seriously pumped to start this week and to get things ready for another great week. I’m looking forward to see just what I can do before the beginning of the New Year. I have 22.8 pounds left to go to hit my goal weight. I know I can get there and I am planning on hitting that goal by my birthday on February 8^th. I like having my short term goals to keep me motivated as I go along each day, but I also like having a timeline for hitting my goal weight so I really feel like it is crunch time and I can push myself to give it all I have.

Next month is going to be a big challenge, but I am ready for it! Let’s do this!!

Day Eight, Nine and Ten

It has been a busy few days. I sat down a couple of times attempting to catch up here and just couldn’t get the words right. But let me tell you, what a way to start out the first day of week two! I stepped on the scale in the morning and I have lost another 1.4 pounds! I only have 1.1 left to go to meet my very first goal. I talked before about having small goals to reach for throughout my journey and I have almost hit my first one. It’s so exciting when I am oh so close! It makes me want to work that much harder just to get there. I decided to treat myself and enjoy that delicious chocolate bar my hunni gave me; however, I still stayed under my calorie goal for the day. In addition to that, I worked out both in the morning and again that night.

Rest days are important as well. You need to give your body time to recover as you rebuild your muscles.  I decided to have day nine be my rest day. I had a nice night of dinner for two and catching up on the Walking Dead with my boyfriend so it just made sense to use that day as one where I took it easy. I made sure to stay on track throughout the day, eat right and track everything. I find on my rest days I am more determined to make sure I eat right because I am not burning the extra calories.

Here we are on day ten. I’ve been having conversations with a number of my friends and family about my journey and I am so lucky. I have so many people who love me just as I am but support me in this amazing life change. Having all of that support also got me thinking about when I was struggling to get started, struggling to get moving. I wanted so badly to have the drive I do now and each time I decided to sit on my couch instead of getting up and getting moving I got even more down on myself. We don’t truly understand the struggles of those around us and how much our words affect them. Something as simple as telling someone they look amazing can lift their mood and change their outlook on the day. In the same respect hurtful words can bring someone to an even lower point than you thought they could ever be at. Each person deals with their personal battles differently and when you have someone in your life that is struggling all I ask is that you make sure that no matter how low they feel, you are there for them. Let them know they are not alone and that this struggle is merely temporary.

I struggled tonight to workout. I got my boys to bed and felt like I could just curl up in bed with a good book or a nice movie and I almost did. Imagine for a moment the movies where an angel is on one shoulder and a devil is on the other battling for the win over your decision. That is how I feel any time I start to struggle to stay on track. I have an argument that goes on completely inside my head. There are two people in there, a cheerleader that says over and over again that I can do this, just get changed and get moving. Then there’s the hardass that says things like, “Move it you lazy bum!” Both of which help to keep me moving when all I want to do is snuggle into a soft pillow and warm blanket.

Moving into the colder winter months is one of the hardest times to make this life change. We have fewer options to get moving and more motivation to snuggle into a loved one with a warm blanket. If you’re like me, a gym isn’t really an option because I don’t live very close to one and I don’t want to sacrifice any of the time I currently have with my children to workout. Being able to workout with them here in my home is something that we all enjoy and I am not losing any quality time. When everything seems to be working against you, you have to make the choice. I have been making the choice each and every day to work hard and become a happier, healthier, and more active me. It’s not always an easy push but I always feel better once I have convinced myself to stay on track with my eating and workout hard. It feels like even more of a success when I know I have had to push myself even harder just to stay on track, because I still did it. If you can build your motivation up now, in the middle of November, and keep it going throughout cold, relentless months of winter, you can reach your goals without fail.

Day Seven - Week One Down

Today it has officially been a week since I decided to get serious about making a healthy lifestyle change and I feel amazing. I wasn’t in the greatest of moods when I got home tonight and was seriously considering having tonight be my rest night since I worked out last night when I wasn’t going to. Instead I thought about the energy I had building up inside of me and got changed after putting my boys to bed and worked out for almost an hour. When I was done I felt so much better. I’m really glad I didn’t let a sour mood stop me from staying on track.

I did have a little bit of trouble with my eating today, but not in the way you would expect. Although my darling did give me a chocolate bar (one that I have saved and haven’t even tasted as of yet) it wasn’t so much staying away from the foods that I wanted to avoid that was the issue. I didn’t find I was as hungry as I have been on previous days since I cut back on my calories and I struggled to ensure that I had enough in my day to so I was not being unhealthy. Some people in my life who have struggled to love themselves have blindly cut back on what they were eating to the point where they may have been having 600 or 700 calories in a day. This is NOT the way to reach your goals. Starving your body is doing the opposite of what you think you are. But refusing to eat enough to properly function throughout the day you are actually training your body to store everything it can because your system doesn’t know when the next proper meal is coming. This person was so frustrated because they weren’t seeing the results they wanted. Finally they increased what they were eating in a day, made healthy choices in the fuel they were putting into their body, and started to exercise regularly and now they have nearly reached their goal in the right way.

I have been starting to think about next month. There are going to be so many things going on that could throw me off track. There will be big family dinners, cookies, chocolates and so many potentially lazy days. I wanted to put a plan in place to make sure that I don’t stray away from my goals. I am thinking about week over week scheduling my workouts and planning more than one day in advance when it comes to what I will be eating. I can make a lot of the meals during my days off and get the snacks for the week together on my weekend. This way I won’t even have to think about eating right as everything will be close at hand to grab and go and I will have my workout as part of my schedule so there is no excuse not to make the time for it.

I want to start exploring new meals over the next couple of weeks. I tried out a new chili recipe my mom gave to me. Though it wasn’t spicy enough for me (I love spicy food and pretty much drink hot sauce) it was pretty tasty. It got me thinking though that I haven’t tried a lot of new recipes lately. I am planning, over the remainder of this week, to find some low calorie meals that peak my interest. I LOVE food and really enjoy cooking so I feel this could be the next step in making my adventure even more enjoyable.

Day Five and Six

Day five started out great. I made breakfast for my boys and set them up downstairs watching a movie so I could watch them while I hopped on the treadmill. It feels so great starting out my day by being active. I really enjoyed how it made me feel when I was able to start and end my day with a workout on Friday and I was hoping to be able to do the same yesterday. Unfortunately I wasn't able to get home until late after dropping my boys off for a sleepover at their grandparents. I ended up using the time I had before having to go to bed to make sure I still made my breakfast, lunch and snacks in advance. 

I seem to be a little backwards compared to the people I have talked to. I find it really easy to stay on track with my eating when I am at home, rather than when I am at work. Although I put together my lunch and snacks in advance for work, I find the temptation of snacking on junk food or buying something sweet tends to be harder to deal with when I am sitting at a desk for the day. Speaking of temptation, my darling boyfriend was a complete trouble maker today! He was teasing me about the delicious brownies he made and even held one under my nose until I couldn’t handle it anymore! NO, I did not eat it right away, I was rather proud of myself; I wanted to make sure I could fit it into my day without going over my calorie goal. He was a sweetheart and said something along the lines of “do you not deserve a treat now and again?” It made me think about an article I read. We talked a bit about body shaming and this article focused on food shaming. Often when we are changing the way we are eating we think of what foods are “good” for us and what foods are “bad” for us. Thinking about it this way makes us feel really guilty when we give in to that brownie or bag of chips. I really liked the way this article talked about how we should be looking at food as fuel and think of it as efficient fuel and less efficient fuel. This way it takes away the guilt and we can truly enjoy the food that we are eating. I can tell you one thing, that brownie was absolutely delicious and I don’t feel a bit guilty about eating it.

My mood was kind of up and down today, but even with that I was able to stay on track with my eating and finished another great day. I had originally planned to have today be my rest day, but when I got home I had a ton of energy that I needed to work off so I did a workout instead of resting. I made sure that it wasn’t as intense as the other days I have been working out because it was originally intended to be a rest day but I feel great that I did end up finishing my day active. There are so many times that mood can affect you in a negative way when it comes to a workout. I have been there where I have been down or angry and I start to workout and it just doesn’t feel right. I tend to get more frustrated and either quit before I am finished or not really give it my all. Or I just sit on the couch and make every excuse I can to stay there because the last thing that I want to do is move. All I would be thinking about is whatever it was that had gotten to me, now I think of all of the energy I have built up that needs to be released and it feels so much better.

Well today was day six, after making it through tomorrow night I will have been on this adventure for a full week. I know it is just beginning, but the changes that have taken place already are driving my motivation. The conversations I am having every day with people who are working on the same changes and people that are supporting me through this, inspire me. The way that my boyfriend is there for me in every way possible with this while still making sure I know that he loves me just the way I am makes me feel absolutely amazing. Because of all of this, even if the only thing that changed through this process what was a felt better and I have more energy, sleep better and am more active I still love me. 2.8 pounds doesn’t change someone’s appearance, but when I look in the mirror I love the beautiful woman looking back at me. I look at my body and I am starting to see it the way my love does. I feel beautiful, I feel sexy and I am not going to stop. I am completely committed to my journey and I can’t wait to see what next week brings.

Day Four

Let me begin by saying thank you to our veterans. Thank you for your sacrifices so that my family can live free and share such a beautiful life together. Lest we forget.

Life tends to throw curve balls just when you have a plan set in place to achieve success. How successful you will be depends on how you take those curve balls. Do you take them in stride and move around the obstacles like water down a mountain? Or do you let it throw you off of your feet?

My plan for today was to get my boys off to school and do my morning workout, pick up some things we need, meet with my boys teachers at noon, get some things finished around the house then do another workout either with my boys tonight or once they went to bed. Last night around 11pm one of my boys started to vomit. First, all over the floor of their shared room, then several more times throughout the night into the bowl I kept beside him. Needless to say I didn’t get very much sleep at all last night and I thought that it was going to really throw me off this morning. When I got up to get my other little man ready for school, my sick little bug went to sleep. After the bus left I made the decision that I wasn’t going to let anything get in the way of the wonderful feeling I have been enjoying, not even the flu. When my little man opened his eyes I told him if he needed me I would be in the basement on the treadmill and to simply call out to me and I would come to him. He didn’t want to be away from me, so I set up my TV with a movie of his choice in front of very comfortable blankets and pillows that I made into a nest for him. Then this Momma hopped onto the treadmill and worked my butt off.

I still tracked everything I ate, came in under my calorie goal, AND did a second workout tonight, finishing it only five minutes ago. I feel incredible that even with life working against me I was able to stick to my plan and take care of myself today. It has become so important to me knowing just how good it is making me feel each and every day.

On a side note, one thing I did say I was going to do that I did not, was to put my scale under my bed. This morning I couldn’t resist the temptation and I stepped on it. I am going to be honest here and feel like I am not the only one that has ever done this. There have been times that I have stepped on the scale and tried to cheat by standing certain ways so that the number would drop just a bit. This morning was not one of those days and so far in my journey I have lost 2.8 pounds! Seeing those first pounds come off was part of what drove my determination to stick to my plan for the day. I am even more excited about what I am doing, how it is making me feel, and the affects it is having on my body.

My son asked me this morning as I was on the treadmill, why I had to work out. Like a flash, the things that have been said to me throughout my life jumped forward in my mind. The body shaming comments, the tears, the frustration, and the never truly feeling like I would ever be good enough. I pushed all of it aside because I NEVER want my children to struggle with the emotional roller coaster I have experienced. So I just smiled at him and told him working out made me healthier, that it helped me to be stronger and it makes me feel really good. He told me how he wants to work out too because he wants to be strong like Mommy and Daddy. I want him to enjoy being active, I want him to want to be active, not for a certain body type, but because it makes him feel good and it makes him feel strong. I know that there are things that will be said to my boys that I can’t stop, but if I can build up their confidence in themselves I am hoping it won’t affect them in a negative way.

Tomorrow I have a similar plan to today. I want to workout first thing in the morning, eat great throughout the day and workout again before I go to bed. The motivation I can feel surging through my body is electrifying! I don’t’ ever want it to stop!

However, since I wasn’t able to get much sleep last night and I don’t know how tonight is going to go, I think I am going to shower up and pass out!